Futility

On Saturday, Dejan and I spent a gorgeous day in downtown DC touring solar homes. It was cool to see urban homes implement solar electric and solar hot water systems. All the sites I had toured to this point have been "little house in the wild" type of projects. Cool, but not quite the same as the ones we saw this day. Thanks to Dejan, urban landscape designer, who specifically requested this. We came home to the Fells Point Fun Festival where I am able to do my annual shopping direct from artisans. This year, I bought the winter's supply of African shea butter soap, a winter coat, and a small, but beautifully handcrafted drum for Evains.

It was a beautiful fall day. I capped it off that night by riding my bike to the Charles Theatre to see Battle in Seattle, a film by Stuart Townsend paying homage to the events surrounding the 1999 WTO Meetings in Seattle. It DID come to Baltimore!

The film was mediocrely written and produced. The story is much too big to reduce to a one and a half hour film. It felt thin and crispy. I can imagine for those who were there, it will feel sadly inadequate.

Little did I expect, however, I was swept in the days after with a tremendous scourge of futility that weighed on me. This scourge erupts from the deepest abyss of my gut. It arouses a sorrow, a sadness, that I cannot fathom or get my grips around. The powers that dictate the direction of this world deliver us towards destruction and the efforts of the little people are erased with a wink and a nod. And I think it is this sense of powerlessness that my friends who have taken their lives battle with. I, on the other hand, am consumed with an anger matching the futility. The frustration is too much for my little spirit to balance. I become explosive.

It's a bitch to carry....
Battle in Seattle